The Bookseller to the Stars Vs. Suzanne Portnoy

It gives me great pleasure to welcome media publicist and first time author, Suzanne Portnoy to The Bookseller to the Stars today.

We got naked and laid out our towels on the loungers for a bit of Q and A, all in the name of literary excellence, of course. She wants to tell you about her book, it's just a little naughty, as it goes. Oh, I do love the older woman.

Over to you, my dear....

"This is my first book. After 44 years I felt I’d reached a stage in my life where I was finally happy and content. I wanted to share my sexual journey with others in the hope that women – and men – of all ages might find comfort in my experiences and even be enlightened.

When it comes to relationships and sex, I’ve made many unconventional choices. I’ve never sat around waiting for Mr. Right to come along. Most women pine for a Prince Charming, and although I have a boyfriend mantra of my own, a kind of wish list on my kitchen bulletin board that says ‘Job, House, Car, Single, Looks’, I’m not ‘making do’ with Mr. Almost Right. (Mr. Right Now, however, is a different story – in fact, there are quite a number of them in my book.)

I like having a phonebook full of men who make me laugh and come, but who don’t have the time for, or interest in, a full-on relationship. It keeps life interesting.

A lot of erotic memoirs coming out at the moment are written by women in their twenties. I’m cheered that so many women are scoring – and keeping score. But I question their perspective. I think if you’re not shagging around in your twenties, there’s a problem. And I’ve discovered that if you’re still shagging around in your forties, people think there is a problem.

I hope what makes my very diverse sexual experiences more interesting, more relevant to women of all stages in life, is that, having experienced a promiscuous youth, a fairly sexless marriage, and the loss of someone close, I’ve emerged, two decades after my first sexual experiences, more mature, more savvy about men, more sexual. And relieved to discover that ‘mature’ is not a euphemism for ‘old.’

I love my life like never before, and hope you’ll enjoy reading about it as much as I take pleasure in living it."



BTTS: Tell us about the publication history of the book and how "The Butcher, The Baker and The Candlestick Maker" came to be?

SP: "It was all very fast. After 44 years I felt I’d reached a stage in my life where I was finally happy and content. I wanted to share my sexual journey with others in the hope that women – and men – of all ages might find comfort in my experiences and even be enlightened.

Back in 2003 I'd started keeping a blog about my tumultuous relationship with my boyfriend called 'Back on the Market (Flat on my Back). About 8 months into the blog I met a commissioning editor who suggested that I send it to him. He passed it around a few readers that all liked it and that was hugely encouraging although I never did anything with it.

Then in July 2005, I wrote up a proposal with the book title 'The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker' but as a collection of short stories about all the men I'd shagged. I sent it to a couple of publishers, both of whom liked it but said that short stories don't sell. The editor at Virgin asked me about my sexual experiences and I wrote him a shopping list of all the things I'd done in the past five years - exhibitionism, group sex, swinging, etc. etc. He suggested that I resubmit my original proposal but as a narrative. I did that and had a contract at the beginning of September."

BTTS: Throughout the book, there is a political and spiritual tone of liberation and free spiritedness, was this something that was strictly awakened after the divorce or was there any sense of this before your meeting your husband?

SP: "I've always been very vocal in my opinions but extremely non-judgemental in what others choose to do. I think that comes across in the book. I've always believed that people should do whatever makes them happy provided they don't hurt other people.
I suppose I've always been a person who like to experience things directly. I've always been liberated in that way and I've never given even two seconds thought to what other people think about what I do. A boyfriend once told me,
'I don't need to try out group sex or swinging or whatever, I can fantasize about it and that's good enough.' That just doesn't work for me."

BTTS: Are you still as you say in the book, "the most open minded woman on the planet" and what does it take to constantly uphold such a title?

SP: "Yes, I think I'm extremely open minded and always will be. As I said before, I'm non-judgemental. I did a degree in Communications at University. One of the fundamental principles of my studies was that it is extremely important to communicate from one's own perspective. That we can never know what anyone else is thinking or feeling. I keep that in mind most of the time."

BTTS: Do you think that if more people communicate from their own perspective in a more free thinking soceity, there would be a few less wars as well as happy, relaxed horny people?

SP: "Definitely. That's something I really learned after getting divorced. It's amazing when you scratch a little bit beneath the surface and find out what makes a person tick."

BTTS: Do you think Britain has enough sex? Is there anybody in particular in this country that you believe needs more and would you help them or not?

SP: "I don't think there's enough sex anywhere. Society as a whole has been indoctrinated mainly because of religion to believe that it's evil and wrong when I think of it as a part of life. Everyone needs sex. It makes us happy, healthy. It gets the endorphin going. It feels good. It's my favourite pastime. It's a shame there's so much shame and guilt around it.

One BBC journalist asked me during a radio interview, 'Now that you've fulfilled your biological destiny by having children, what would you say to people who argue that it's not necessary for you to have sex anymore?' I really was taken aback by that one!

Maybe I should have studied to become a sex therapist. I'd enjoy counselling people in how to improve their sex lives."

BTTS: I completely agree with you. Do you think the shame stems from Christianity or just a stuffy British Traditional value that makes us so afraid of getting off? It's like we have our religious and political freedoms and in many ways with sexuality with same gender. Are heterosexuals suffering a victimisation as a result?

SP: "I think it all started with religion. Same gender sexuality, particularly homosexuality doesn't seem as bound by religious values, primarily because they've been ostracised as a group by most religions anyway. In a sense they are old fashioned outcasts who behave as they see fit. It seems to me that gay men are probably much truer to men's nature than straight men. It's not unusual for gay men to set the ground rules for sex with a long-term partner such as 'you can sleep with our friends but not strangers' or vice versa. They seem to accept that monogamy is not really natural. I think heterosexuals could learn alot from gay relationships, particularly with regard to sex."

BTTS: Have Rio's (Nudist/Swingers sauna in Kentish Town frequently featured throughout the book) started offering you a discount yet? With your book and the other other Virgin title, Swingers (Edited by Ashley Lister), I think they need to start handing out some loyalty cards, don't you think?

SP: "I went there a couple of weeks ago and no one said a thing. I haven't identified myself to the staff. Anyway, it's only £2 for women to get in before 7pm! I keep worrying that if the book becomes massively successful that men will start hanging out there just on the off chance they might run into me. I do consider that quite a bit, especially as I'm such a stand-out there. It's such a bizarre place I can't see it ever taking off in a big way no matter how notorious it becomes."

BTTS: Can you tell us briefly what has happened since, specifically to Karume?

SP: "God, you don't want to know!!! For a brief period of time he became my cleaner, then he decided to take on landscaping my garden. Four months later, looking out my kitchen window one day at a complete mess, I said to him, "The garden looks terrible. I think it's all going to have to come up and I'm going to have to start again." I called in a professional landscaper who said it was the worst job he had ever seen. So I sacked him and now he owes me about £2k. I'm still waiting for the money.

As for the others, I still see Anthony, the hot cop. My swinging partner Greg has found a new swingnig partner. Tantric Andy is in love with a Polish girl. And I'm back on a swinging website looking for new partners."

BTTS: Are you looking for anything new in your continued search? Did the book teach you about what is not yr thing, so to speak and have you discovered any new turnons/ fascinations/avenues you would like to venture down?

SP: "Well, I'd really like to fall in love. I think anyone reading my book will realise that I've never found a true love - someone that really inspires me and turns me on in every way. Sexually I think I've pretty much done it all although recently I've become really turned on by the idea of being blindfolded and taken by lots of men. Yes, that one might be quite exciting. I realised that although I've been in a lot of group situations, I'm much more turned on by a one-on-one scenario. I don't really enjoy being watched (hence the blindfold fantasy) although I like watching others.

I went through a phase a few months ago of watching guys wank in chatrooms. I got a bizarre thrill from that. Still do, actually."

BTTS: That's a beautiful pair of legs on the cover of your book. Do they belong to you?

SP: "You're not the first one to say that. It's a stock photo but actually mine are not dissimilar. In fact, most of my friends just assumed they were my legs. They are one of my better features."

BTTS: What's next for Suzanne Portnoy, will you be writing more books, branch out into sex guides or waiting to see how the wind blows? Also, are you now a full time writer or are you continuing with the media career?

SP: "No, I'm still a publicist. Unless you're JK Rowling, I think it's pretty tough to make it as a full-time writer. I've got two kids in public schools. My life is expensive. Besides, I really like what I do. I'm thinking about my next book. I want to avoid the pitfalls of others who have had successful first books in this genre and then not-so-successful sequels. I saw the first book as a journey. I don't want to repeat the formula with a second one. I'll keep you posted!"

You can catch up with what Suzanne has been upto since and find out more about the hapless Karume on her weblog. The book you can buy from all good bookshops but for those with a desperate urge for voyeurism (like me), here is the Amazon link.

It really is a great book, everything I wanted Belle de Jour to be, wonderfully explicit and naughty and free thinking. The prose is very easy reading and not at all clever, preacy or pretentious like this sort of writing can be. In this day and age, its great to know that there are nice, happy, horny people out there just enjoying themselves in a safe and healthy environment.